Toxy Lady

In-laws: The Ripple Effect In-law jokes have been around since the days of the cave man, I’m sure. “I can’t believe your son dragged that good-for-nothing wife of his in by the hair to share that bone with us tonight. She doesn’t even dry her own hides.” But in-laws have been and continue to be some of the best blessings in my life.  Until recently, I never realized the ripple effect that those we marry have on our lives.  After Thanksgiving, I spent a week with family on vacation in the Turks and Caicos, and this realization became very acute. The occasion for the trip was my sister-in-law’s sixtieth birthday celebration. You may ask “why is this so unusual?” It is a little weird because my sister-in-law is NO LONGER married to my brother, yet she asked my husband and me to go with her on the vacation. Said sister-in-law happens to also be one my best friends and is more like a sister to me, except we don’t fight. She has been a huge part of my life since 1986. She sup

This summer, I was traveling to a board review course and was informed that a dear friend who had been battling a chronic illness had suddenly worsened. In early July, I knew she had taken a bad turn and was planning to visit her in August. As the days passed, the timeline for me to go see her kept shortening. I flew to Dallas for the course and texted with her husband frequently. I was returning home on Sunday evening, and as she got sicker, I arranged to take a flight on Tuesday morning to try to get there to say my goodbyes and relieve her husband to spend the evening with his mother for her birthday. Early Saturday morning, I texted again to tell him I made reservations to come and he called and said she passed away early that morning. I hadn't seen her for several years and was so disappointed that I didn't get to say goodbye. I flew home on Sunday and went back to the airport Monday and left again for her services. I love this family so much. I have known the coup

My connection with animals is very special and sometimes, I think, pathological. I have come home a different way to avoid a dead animal in the road. I can’t watch nature shows because I can’t see animals die without crying. Don’t get me wrong- I have nothing against hunting and I GET nature.  I just can’t watch the killing. Animals have been a huge part of my life since I was a child. My parents were both professionals, but I was fortunate to grow up on 116 acres in southern Indiana, where we swam in a pond, had a huge garden, had horses that we rode, and raised cattle. We always had dogs-one for each child. And we also had cats. We tried to have ducks, but my German Shepherd, Puella, ate most of them. My brothers are 6 and 7 years older so my dogs and cats were my playmates. I dressed my dog in human clothes and had tea parties with her. Despite the fact that we had many of the same experiences as my rural neighbors, we really never did fit in.  No one else named their cows after

The “old me” used to go to medical meetings and whine to everyone about how busy I was. It was the thing to do because that was what important people said. I suddenly realized there was no point to that. No one really cares. It repels people and makes them feel like you are too busy to listen to what they have to say. Although, many of them had to prove that they were busier than I was! Also, a very dear friend once told me, “there is nothing less attractive than a needy person.” When people whine about how busy they are, they seem needy. Now, when people at medical meetings ask me how I am, I say “Great! Life is great.” It really throws them off. I don’t mind talking about work, but I like to talk about life. Many of these people I have known for over 20 years and have become friends as well as colleagues. I want to hear about their kids and the traveling they have done. Maybe because I am in the later years of my career and don’t feel like I have to prove myself so much anymore, I

Birthdays-Every year is a gift Yesterday was my birthday and it started with tears of gratitude. I woke up to a wonderful husband wishing me a happy birthday and two four-legged children that are happy every morning. And I realized not only do I have more than I want but I have so much more than I need. The only plan for the day was to get a haircut and work in the morning. I was off work for the afternoon. I also had an overwhelming urge to see my mother. Intellectually, I have known for some time that relationships are the most important things in my life. But the message finally traveled from my head to my heart. My world is filled with as many facets as the lives I am honored to play even a minor role in. My best friend’s daughter sent a text thanking me for being her “second mom.” I heard from my niece and nephews and my step-daughter. I got cards and calls from so many people that I love. I read every Facebook message I received. The messages came from so many parts of

Celebration and Grief In 1992, I completed a medical toxicology fellowship. One of the faculty at my residency training program was a mentor who was a toxicologist, so I decided I wanted to do the same. I loved the idea of being good at a specific subject and I thought knowing about snakes, spiders, poisonous plants and mushrooms would just be very cool. I had no idea about the relationships I would form. I also had no idea that most of the patients would be overdoses and not as cool as I expected! But I have no regrets. It is a wonderful specialty. Last week we had our annual meeting in Washington, DC and celebrated the 25th anniversary of the founding of the physician toxicology organization, the American College of Medical Toxicology. As a founding member and past president, I volunteered to emcee the gala dinner. I think it was the most difficult presentation of my life. I have been in front of hundreds of people and have spoken in multiple countries, but these are the hero

Spoiler alert-this one is serious. I’m crying while I type it. I have been having so many intense feelings about family, lately. I am sure that as one ages, that is bound to happen. My mother is 91 and I remember a time when she started needing more help that I was resentful that as the only daughter I seemed to be the go to child. But I finally realized how lucky I am. My mother recently had a minor eye surgery and I got to be the one to drive her and spend time with her. We have so much fun talking to people in these situations. We joke and laugh and ask people about their lives. They seem surprised when we do. She always says that family is all that matters. As I get older, my family becomes more dear. It seems so trite to talk about how time flies. But I swear it was just yesterday that my brothers and I were swimming in our pond and our parents were taking care of all of our real problems. I still cannot reconcile the fact that I will never see my father again, even th

I really need a support group for someone who gets too attached to animals. I CAN kill a fly. Not a ladybug or spider. If I see a dead dog or cat in the road, I come home a different way. This seems pathological. So when I lose a pet, the grief is overwhelming. We were in Antarctica for one month from mid-December to early January and found out, by email from our house sitter, that Heidi, our 12 year old German Wire haired Pointer died in her sleep. Technically, she was my husband's dog, but she was like a child to both of us.  In 2006, I had the year from hell. In addition to my father dying, our young  German Wire haired Pointer, Emma, either ran away or was stolen. We were heartbroken. So, I found another dog on Petfinder. She was a 9 month old  German Wire haired Pointer  and was in Texas. Her owners lived in Mexico and left her at a Petsmart in Texas because the wife was pregnant and they didn't have room for a dog anymore. So, while she is technically a rescue, she neve