Pain and Gratitude



This summer, I was traveling to a board review course and was informed that a dear friend who had been battling a chronic illness had suddenly worsened. In early July, I knew she had taken a bad turn and was planning to visit her in August. As the days passed, the timeline for me to go see her kept shortening. I flew to Dallas for the course and texted with her husband frequently. I was returning home on Sunday evening, and as she got sicker, I arranged to take a flight on Tuesday morning to try to get there to say my goodbyes and relieve her husband to spend the evening with his mother for her birthday. Early Saturday morning, I texted again to tell him I made reservations to come and he called and said she passed away early that morning. I hadn't seen her for several years and was so disappointed that I didn't get to say goodbye.

 I flew home on Sunday and went back to the airport Monday and left again for her services. I love this family so much. I have known the couple since 1986, and my first husband and I spent many hours with them, having some wonderful times. I feel a special connection with their daughter who is an adult who recently got married. My baby gift for her was the one that she treasured-Bunny was the stuffed animal that she HAD to have everywhere she went. It was white, and when it got dirty her mom tried to replace it but she was having none of that! I got to see Bunny, who is a little worse for wear, when I was there for the funeral. 

 I spent a few days with her family and had that indescribable human spiritual experience  of deep pain mixed with incredible gratitude. I saw people from my past that stirred up so many mixed emotions about my late husband. But her daughter spoke at the graveside and reminded me again of the alternative of never having known the people I have lost. She reminded me to remember that despite sad times and times of illness, we can't forget the wonderful times and all of the amazing pieces of the ones we love, even if we didn't always see the positives at the end. 

 Life is an infinity of layers. The ripple effect that just one person has is amazing. Rekindling relationships that were dormant and building new ones from those three days have just enriched my life even more. Just when I thought it couldn't get richer. This woman, this friend, made a difference in my life. My heart is broken that she is gone. I hear her laugh and I see her smile and the twinkle in her eye. But I still believe the pain is worth it.







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