Heidi: Is the love of an animal worth the loss?

I really need a support group for someone who gets too attached to animals. I CAN kill a fly. Not a ladybug or spider. If I see a dead dog or cat in the road, I come home a different way. This seems pathological. So when I lose a pet, the grief is overwhelming. We were in Antarctica for one month from mid-December to early January and found out, by email from our house sitter, that Heidi, our 12 year old German Wire haired Pointer died in her sleep. Technically, she was my husband's dog, but she was like a child to both of us. 

In 2006, I had the year from hell. In addition to my father dying, our young German Wire haired Pointer, Emma, either ran away or was stolen. We were heartbroken. So, I found another dog on Petfinder. She was a 9 month old German Wire haired Pointer and was in Texas. Her owners lived in Mexico and left her at a Petsmart in Texas because the wife was pregnant and they didn't have room for a dog anymore. So, while she is technically a rescue, she never had a hard day in her life that I know of. I had her flown in to Columbus on United and my nephew and I went to get her at the airport. I told him, "it is like going on a blind date knowing you are going to marry the person!" Her owners sent photos and all of her veterinary papers along with her AKC registration.

She was a spunky, smart, stubborn, loving dog. Brian loved her as much as a person can love a dog. Every morning he told her to be a good girl and that he would be back. He massaged her legs every night. This is making me cry. She would retrieve a ball from the lake as many times as it could be thrown. She pushed her nose up against our leg when she wanted to be petted and she leaned against us often. After one of our other dogs died, she was the only one left. She was happy being an "only child." 

Four years ago, I saw a German Wire haired Pointer on Facebook. He was in Tennessee, where two women saw him on a chain all day and night, regardless of weather. He was 20+ pounds underweight and had sores all over his feet. They saw the owner dump him in a field and drive away when he was about 1 year old. They picked him up and the owner came back to get him. They said he could either give them his papers or he could take him back and they would call the police. He surrendered the dog. The foster home could not keep him much longer, so they put his beautiful mug on Facebook. I fell in love with him. So, 3+ years ago, I drove 6 hours to Tennessee, each way, and got Neko. 

Heidi was not really a fan of other dogs, but she got along with Neko and came to tolerate him and probably loved him. But, he loved her and has been bewildered ever since she died. She was the boss and he doesn't seem to know what to do. He follows me everywhere, insists on riding in the car with me, and looks very sad when he is at home. 

My brothers are 6 and 7 years older than I and we grew up on a farm. There were no neighbors to play with, so my animals were my playmates. My first dog, Puella (Latin for girl), was my first best friend. We always had weird animal names-the cows were named after the Greek alphabet, some dogs had Latin names, and then there were the normal animal names, like Flops and Rocky. There was the occasional sinister name (Satan). I remember going to the store and my mom asking me, "Do we need food for Satan?" There were some weird looks.  

Puella was Velcro and was with me everywhere. I dressed her up and had tea parties for her. At one point I considered becoming a veterinarian, but I couldn't handle animals being sick. I know, what about people? I guess many of peoples problems are of their own making while animals are totally innocent. I loved my first dog so much that when we had to move to the suburbs in Kansas when I was 16, I left her on the farm with the renter there. I thought she would be happier. That was one of the hardest decisions ever, but one I have never regretted. 

Back to Heidi--what a wonderful dog, child, and companion. Whenever I lose a person or a pet, I have to ask myself, "Was knowing them worth the pain?" So far, my answer has always been yes. There may come a time when I live without a dog, but I can't imagine it. Brian and I have both been looking for young female German Wire haired Pointer. I found the perfect dog, but it is a male. Brian wants a female. 

When we were in Antarctica, Brian did the polar plunge and had me video it. He said, "I am doing this in honor of my best friend, Heidi, for all the times she jumped in the cold water for me." Our hearts are heavy, but Heidi will always hold a place in them.

Heidi doing what she loved best and her ashes on the nightstand